it's your god-forsaken right to be l o v e d

ee cummings

2010-03-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

From 95 Poems- Dedication (1958)

60

dive for dreams
or a slogan may topple you
(trees are their roots
and wind is wind)

trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
through the stars walk backward)

honour the past
but welcome the future
(and dance your death
away at this wedding)

never mind a world
with its villains or heroes
(for god likes girls
and tomorrow and the earth)

ee cummings

2010-03-29T20:20:00.000-07:00

From Etcetera: The Unpublished Poems- Poems Left with Elaine Orr, 1918-19

V

the spring has been exquisite and the
summer may be beautiful. But,
tell me with eyes quiteshut
did you love me,will you love me

and perfectly so forth;i see,
kissing you- only kissing
you(it is still spring
and summer may be beautiful)shall we

say years? O let us say it,girl
to boy smiling while the moments kill
us gently and infinitely.

And believe(do not believe) there'll
be a time when even these leaves will

crawl expensively away. My lady.

ee cummings

2010-03-29T20:16:00.000-07:00

From 95 Poems- Dedication (1958)

62

your birthday comes to tell me this

-each luckiest of lucky days
i've loved,shall love,do love you,was

and will be and my birthday is

ee cummings

2010-03-29T20:05:00.000-07:00

From 95 Poems- Dedication (1958)

45

i love you much(most beautiful darling)

more than anyone on the earth and i
like you better than everything in the sky

-sunlight and singing welcome your coming

although winter may be everywhere
with such a silence and such a darkness
noone can quite begin to guess

(except my life)the true time of year-

and if what calls itself a world should have
the luck to hear such singing(or glimpse such
sunlight as will leap higher than high
through gayer than gayest someone's heart at your each

nearerness)everyone certainly would(my
most beautiful darling)believe in nothing but love

ee cummings

2010-03-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

From 95 Poems- Dedication (1958)

4

this man's heart
is true to his
earth;so
anyone's world
does
-n't interest him(by the
look
feel taste smell
& sound
of a silence who can
guess
ex-
actly what life
will do)loves
nothing
as much as
how(first
the arri
-v-
in
-g)a snowflake twi-
sts
,on
its way to now
-here

lover, can you help me? i'm a child lost in the woods

2009-08-23T20:49:00.000-07:00

Isn't it weird and amazing how certain songs can remind us of a specific time, event, or situation to the point where we can feel like we're reliving that exact moment? I had this experience just half an hour ago and I'm still not over it! The song was Transatlanticism by Death Cab. That song was literally the essence of my entire freshman year of college. I have no clue why I was obsessed with Death Cab last year, but I just was. I always used to listen to them on my drives to and from Oneonta to visit my boyfriend. This song in particular makes me really sad because it reminds me of how hard it is to be in a long distance relationship. So while I was listening to the song, I did a little creative writing exercise... nothing much, just some free-writing to get some things off my mind. My boyfriend left again for college this morning. Its random, so don't judge me.

my winters
here it begins
once again.
the harsh, cold air
and the long drives.
and death cab playing
in my car.
hot chocolate and
uncertainty.
i think this time
i'll leave the sadness
at home.
i need you so much closer.

And on the same page that I scribbled those words I drew a picture of the next tattoo I'm getting. I'm turning an existing tattoo into something way better. It's going to be wild, I can't wait.

I'm not sure yet, but I think I might delete every song I downloaded last year. I might just get a new computer. That's how terrible listening to last years music makes me feel. And that's how terrible last year made me feel.

Find out for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you

2009-08-11T21:46:00.000-07:00

I should probably re-cap my last week and a half being that it was amazing. On August 5th, my boyfriend and I saw Incubus at Radio City. They were incredible & I had no voice for 3 days prior. (And Brandon took off his shirt which I was very excited about.)

Then, that Saturday I went to see Jason Mraz (my love love love love!) in New Jersey. He was fantastic & I got teary when he sang one of my favorite songs, A Beautiful Mess. So great. Ahh...

Then, I made a shit ton of money at work and saw Julie & Julia. And now I'm here, I guess.

I have not read enough this summer.
I have not been healthy at ALL this summer.
The little things that used to amaze my boyfriend about me don't anymore and I'm confused.
I thought I had it together, but I'm finding out that I actually don't.
My problems could be worse but I guess I take joy in magnifying pety things.

Sorry, I had to get that out there because it just needs to stop sitting in my head. I have to change a little bit, but I'm tired now, so I'll start tomorrow and write about how it goes.

Goodnight

i have no stress, because i am the best

2009-07-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite performers. His concert last night in Saratoga was amazing.

lady crush

2009-07-23T21:01:00.000-07:00

I have such a huge lady crush on Tarina Tarantino. I'm sorry, but she is gorgeous, hella talented, and such an inspiration to anyone who loves some form of art and wants to make a career out of it. The image up top is of some of the jewelry designs and costumes from her new "My Pretty" collection book based on The Wizard of Oz. Love it! Love her Alice in Wonderland-inspired stuff, love her Barbie-inspired stuff. I'll never be able to afford anything she makes but I can admire from afar I guess. Definitely more pictures to come.

I Am Always...

2009-07-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

Going to have a round, chubby-cheek face and love food more than life itself,
Going to overdraw my account for Milk Duds and be late on my Chase payments,
Going to choose movie night over any kind of party,
Going to have these boobs whether I like them or not,
Going to change my mind about what career I want no matter how dumb I sound when I'm convinced that I'm going to be a wedding planner, and a dental hygienist, and an English teacher,
Going to think and over-analyze everything,
Going to have a hairy stomach and a big nose,
Going to have the oddest work schedule,
Going to want that romance-novel kind of love,
Going to create internal drama for myself even when things are perfectly serene in my life,
Going to think that I'll eventually die from dementia,
Going to have the picture of you as a kid on my desk,
Going to have that stupid fish on my wrist,
Going to make poor decisions under pressure,
Going to need complete silence to fall asleep,
Going to make things harder than they should be,
Going to be convinced I have nothing to wear just because I don't like how anything looks on me,
Going to be jealous of girls with naturally straight hair,
Going to take true advice from no one but Carrie Bradshaw,
Going to write stupid stuff like this,
Going to wear size 7 in shoes when I know I'm really an 8,
Going to shop online for things I'll never buy,
Going to put it all out there because I'm crazy, and human, and unashamed.

i will possess your heart;

2008-11-12T20:37:00.000-08:00

"Celebration"

by Brandi Moreno

The time has come for a celebration,

The table is set, the lights are dim.

You walked into love with good intentions,

And you walked out with your head hung in sin.

But I've been advised to live in gusto,

To not dwell on the flickering Past.

So I put down my feelings of furious sadness,

Praying, for your sake, that they won't last.

So drink to these chances, taken for granted,

And smoke to your heart's content.

While the candlelight shines her name on the wall,

We celebrate what our love could have meant.

If our two loves be one, or thou and I love so alike that none can slacken, none can die.

2008-08-02T09:11:00.000-07:00

Okay. Truth: I'm a "grass is always greener" type of girl. I always want what I don't have, and that gets me into big trouble sometimes. No, come to think of it, not big trouble... just little trouble :]

For example, there's this one issue in my life that I can't make up my mind over. Dig it: There are 2 types of girls out there and I can't decide which type I'd rather be! From the beginning of time, going back to the days of the Bible, where poligomy was totally rational, there were 2 important types of women: the wives and the concubines. The wives would be bargained for by their spouse and when a reasonable bride-price was settled upon, she would be his. The concubines were below the wives because they weren't documentarily married to the man, but they still played a large role in raising a family with him and taking care of the household. Even moving along to later in history, there were the betrothed (those, again, who were specifically arranged to be wed) and the mistresses (those who were used for pleasure).

I consider myself to be a betrothed... married off to produce plentiful offspring and care for the home and my husband. YES people... THIS is how I've come to see myself lately. And I'm just trying to figure out in my head [and now in my blog] if I'm okay with that.

Who am I kidding? I love it. But it gets annoying sometimes... you know... being young but being in a committed relationship and actually ACTING like it. I'm a romantic at heart and so therefore, I really have no other choice, and I've come to terms with that. But it sucks when your boyfriend/girlfriend has that option (to play the role of wife AND concubine... betrothed AND mistress) and you don't.

But I like being the little wife that I am. I'm content in all my domestic bliss. Don't get me wrong, I LOOVE to have my concubine fun sometimes, but you know what? I think being simple and "betrothed" is more me, and I'm okay with that.

I'm really glad that's settled.

xo

women in white

2008-07-29T11:33:00.000-07:00

Not to sound dorky or anything, but I have a lot of blogging to do. So much has been going through my mind lately and I've been trying to jot it all down on scraps of paper so I can analyze it here, but I only have bits and pieces of entry topics and some fragmented opinions. I hope I remember them all so I can write til my hearts content :]

First off, I was on vacation last week (which was as awesome as it was tragic) and I started thinking about what makes people so sure that they've found THE ONE. Why do people even fall in love? Is it mainly due to convenience and timing? How do we even know after believing that we've found THE ONE that he/she really is IT for the rest of our lives? What if the scale we use to determine how much soul-mate potential a person has isn't fully calibrated yet? What gives us the power to say okay, he/she is it for the rest of FOREVER?

I mean, look at the divorce rate in our country. What is it, like, 1 out of every 2 couples are divorced now-a-days? Welcome to 2008, Bradys. People don't stay unhappily married for the kids anymore. And right on... I mean, you only have one life to live. There's no need to be miserable for 20 some-odd years. But couldn't we all have avoided this dilemma if SOMEONE made a good call on the fact that they're not cut out for FOREVER-DOM? We all wanna be in love, and as my banner says (oh, and Jason Mraz), it's our god-forsaken right to be loved on this earth! But if we as a society learned to just chill and let things happen for themselves, maybe there would be less broken hearts, less broken homes.

I'm totally guilty of having made myself BELIEVE I was 100% completely in love. It's a great feeling & it's (in my opinion) what life is all about, but before we go planning our wedding, we should make sure that we have a well thought-out agenda regarding how exactly we want to be loved and how we are going to offer love in return. When this agenda is balanced out with that of another person, EVEN STILL we need some double checking. DON'T JUMP INTO THINGS. That's my motto of the week. Just relax... there's a lot of life left ahead of us. Learn to love yourself before you attempt at loving another.

xo

P.S. What a nice little happy entry for the actual mood I'm in. Basically, I'm in DEEP shit. I just bought a laptop with my own credit card. But I forgot that a few days ago I had stupidly bid on a digital camera on ebay... and I'm still the highest bidder! And my kitten has an appointment at the vet this weekend (more $!). So I have to find a way to come up with about $300+ by August 6th. Fantastic :]

Reverse Side-Effects

2008-07-16T12:14:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I tend to completely generalize in this entry (but what’s new?).

I find that men who become conscious of the fact that they’ve revealed their intimate feelings about being head-over-heels for a girl tend to subsequently pull back after sharing their emotions. Is anyone else with me on that? I’m not bashing it or anything, it’s merely an observation. And it’s completely justifiable. Men don’t usually wear their heart on their sleeves. Many women don’t even do so. (You people don’t know what you’re missing out on!) But really divulging to a person (whether he tell it straight to his girlfriend, or just tell his friends) that he’s feeling something kinda WONDERFUL about her can put a guy on edge. It’s out there now. No holds barred.

So, hypothetically, he’s just dropped the L-bomb… but not only the L-bomb. This bomb is so much more. People say I Love You as they come and go, no longer does it have such a presence in conversations as I gather it might have in the past. So he doesn’t drop that L-bomb. He drops the ELLLL bomb (the I-Love-You-So-Much-I-Can-See-You-And-Only-You-As-My-Wife-And-The-Mother-Of-My-Children-You’ll-Never-Have-To-Work-A-Day-In-Your-Life-Because-I’m-Going-To-Support-You-For-The-Rest-Of-OUR-Lives bomb.) That’s a fucking explosion for you.

But when the smoke clears, he’s nowhere to be found! He tells her that she’s the One (guys use that phrase too now?) and then he bounces. Not a total disappearance, but less calls. Less texts. Less of spending time together. And all of this makes complete sense to a guy. You know, give a little, take a little, they ration. Newsflash buddy: You can’t just do that to a girl. The ELLLL bomb is major. If you have the balls to put it all out there, you better be ready for the kind of territory is comes with. It’s like giving a girl a ticket to see her favorite musician. ONE TICKET. Here you go, honey… the BEST PRESENT OF YOUR LIFE, but have fun going alone. Same situation with the ELLLL bomb (only a little less fantastic).

So what’s a girl to do? Chalk it up to “that’s just a guy for ya” and stop worrying about it? Or is there some subtle way of communicating that THAT’S NOT FAIR!? I am the QUEEN of communication, but honestly, the only way through something like this is just giving it time. Let him figure it out that with the ELLLL bomb comes responsibilities. Big ones. Like 1)the daily calls just to check up, 2) delegating time to spend with each other even if you’ve just worked a 15-hour shift and are dead tired, 3) doing familial things like making her breakfast once in a while, if only to foreshadow that he will take care of you in the future. Just examples ;)

Okay lovelies. Problem solved. I think.
xoxo

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.

2008-07-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

Does distance ever work? I mean, really. For the last 2 weeks, I've been back and forth in my mind [like a crazy person]trying to decide whether two people can be strong enough to make a long-distance relationship work. There's only one couple I know of that truly sets an amazing example of how distance can make your relationship stronger. Granted, they're my age and I haven't talked to either of them in HOW LONG (?) but it's worth a shot. Maybe I just need some assurance that what I'm about to face in my relationship really won't be that bad.

I have to go now, but I am certainly not done on this topic.

hot as BALLS

2008-06-09T11:07:00.000-07:00

So, it’s hot out. And I love it. Only, I’m staying inside for the most part because I feel bad leaving my new kitten inside by herself. She’s sleeping like a BEAST right now though, which leaves me with plenty (a.k.a. WAY TOO MUCH) time for thought and introspection.
I’ve been thinking mainly about girlfriends versus girl friends. It’s like the butt grab versus the butt slap. Which has more power? Hm.
Well, the butt slap is spontaneous and takes you by surprise every time. Although the butt slap can be somewhat of an enigma, (you can either feel degraded by it or sometimes empowered), she is someone you can always hang out with and you’re guaranteed a fun time, even if you’re sitting in silence. The butt slap is the girl friend.
Unlike the butt slap, you always know when the butt grab is coming. She’s very calculated and doesn’t do surprises very often. Some may say that the butt grab is boring and monotonous, but she never fails to make you feel amazing. The butt grab is the girlfriend.

“If you added all of my girl friends together into one amalgamated super girl, I would have the perfect girlfriend.” –Clearrants.com/blog

Why is it that some people turn into the green-eyed monster whenever their guy/girl is good friends with people of the opposite sex? And why is it that when those people turn into green-eyed monsters, they never own up to it? They can be as jealous as they like and it’s “Nothing, really…”, but when the tables turn, it’s a totally different story.
From my perspective, I’d like to be both a butt slap and a butt grab, but that’s just because I’m greedy, but well rounded! You get what you focus on, so try focusing on the whole & stop worrying about things. When you focus on the negative, you’ll get it. That’s just the way life works.

and what a beautiful mess this is

2008-06-02T20:33:00.000-07:00

After carefully examining the situation I went through this weekend, I came to the conclusion that all a girl really wants from her relationship is to know that she can’t be easily replaced. That would be the do-all-end-all, Nirvana-like graduation ceremony of a relationship. It could be the key to a successful partnership too… knowing that you have the best man or woman on earth and that you will never find another like them. Then again, I’ve always been an advocate of the old saying about the sea. And the many fish. You know what I’m talking about. So maybe the key key is finding the balance between knowing that your guy or girl is the best you’ll ever get and knowing that if things went wrong, you most definitely will not end up alone.
From experience, I feel like the people that see themselves as the proverbial “shit” are the happiest in their relationships because they live worry-free of being cheated on, unappreciated, or used. Confidence in yourself breeds confidence in your mate, which ultimately leads to confidence in the relationship (the feeling of trust between the two because they are sublimely happy with just each other). I’m 100% positive that all relationships do not start out this way and it’s when little things become big messes that relationships fail. So start your next relationship with some confidence in yourself and you will probably see a difference in the sort of bond that forms. It might not be what you’re used to at first, (you know, not caring about his/her whereabouts… a.k.a. freaking the fuck out when he/she doesn’t call you at the exact time he/she
promised), but it will benefit you both in the long run. And if you’re not looking for any sort of “long run”, (there's no shame in that, honey!), then it will make the inevitable break-up so much less painful.